It’s easy to feel unhinged by daily news of chaos and destruction.
Anyone paying attention can justify chronic anger. Some of us may have tamped it down to a steady hum of anxiety. Or we’ve decided to disengage until the world becomes more sane. Most of us know that anger is exhausting and doesn’t solve the problems we’re angry about.
The good news is, there are simple and effective ways to reduce anger while also increasing the clarity and compassion with which we respond to events. These are rooted in ancient and contemporary practices, with solid research to support their benefits.
How to detox anger
Anger may be justified by circumstances, but most of us feel its toxic influence on ourselves as well as people we are close to. Let the angry genie out of the bottle and it’s very hard to control. Everyone in our orbit is at risk.
Buddhist and Yogic traditions address anger without attempting to squelch it. Sometimes anger is inevitable. But when it is unconscious, reactive, or ego-driven, it usually increases suffering. These traditions offer practices that help transform anger into clarity, wisdom, and skillful action.
Swami Sarvapriyananda currently runs the Vedanta Society in New York City and teaches a comprehensive system of Raja Yoga. He says we always have a compelling responsibility to stand up to injustices and wrong action. But solving world problems ultimately requires transforming the consciousness from which action arises. Meditation helps us realize the shared, essential reality of pure consciousness. This awareness extends beyond the egoic self and inclines us toward serving the greater good. It also develops the clarity and stability to fight injustice without anger and hatred.
We are not our anger
From the Vedantic perspective, if we know our Self as pure consciousness, we are fully aware of feelings but not constrained or controlled by them. We are not compelled to react impulsively. We can give ourselves space and freedom to reflect and react with greater calmness and clarity. There are many yogic practices that support this. Here’s one that works almost instantly.
Use deep breathing to release anger and expand awareness
This is a simple yogic practice that activates the parasympathetic nervous system and calms us within minutes:
When anger or anxiety flare, breathe deeply through the nose into the heart. Feel the heart energy calm and heal as you draw anger or anxiety into it. Hold it there for a count, then exhale through the mouth at a slower rate, releasing toxic feelings. It helps to count to four on the inhale, hold for four, then count to eight on the exhale.
Continue this process until you feel calmer. You may notice your mind shifting away from angry thoughts. This may take a few minutes and can be done anywhere, with eyes open or closed.
Buddhist practices transform anger into compassion
According to many Buddhist teachers, the great challenge in the face of injustice is to listen deeply to those who are harmed without demonizing the perpetrator. This means understanding the layers of feelings on all sides without condoning harm.
Thich Nhat Hanh lived through brutal war and exile. He became a peace activist and was nominated by Martin Luther King for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967. “Engaged Buddhism” was central to his teachings and included ethical action and protection of suffering beings.
“By the way we live our daily life we contribute to peace or to war. It is mindfulness that can tell me that I am going in the direction of war and it is the energy of mindfulness that can help me to make a turn and to go in the direction of peace.”
–Thich Nhat Hanh
He realized that pain and suffering hide behind anger and drive people to harm others. Understanding that develops compassion. However, it doesn’t mean accepting cruelty and injustice. It means responding with clarity and without hatred.
It starts with a gentle response to oneself
He advised, “When anger arises, take care of it like a mother holding her baby.” Instead of lashing out, turn your awareness to your breathing and notice the anger going in and out with your breath. Treat it with tenderness, not judgement.
This emotional mindfulness helps us see the suffering behind our own anger as well as the person or situation that triggered it. With that clarity we can act more effectively. (Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, 2001; Peace is Every Step, 1991)
Pema Chodron teaches a number of ways to lean into discomfort, uncertainty and unwelcome feelings. These practices help to consciously dismantle what needs to come down within us, to soften our hearts and expand with compassion.
She recommends, “Feel the feelings and drop the storyline.” Don’t justify anger with a list of reasons for it. Don’t suppress it. Feel it in your body. Stay present with the tension, pain, energy. Notice it gradually soften and transform into sadness, fear, and other more vulnerable emotions.
If you stay present with these feelings, they transform into compassion, or ways to understand without hatred. This clarity can offer insight into effective responses that don’t sustain and amplify a destructive feedback loop. (When Things Fall Apart, 1997; Start Where You Are, 1994)
She also teaches the ancient practice of Tonglen in which one breathes in suffering and breaths out compassion. It’s somewhat similar to practices described above, but with a direct focus on transforming anger into compassion for others. There are variations on this practice. In this video she teaches an on-the-spot version as an immediate way to absorb and transform whatever is coming at us.
“When our minds are clouded by hatred… we lose not only control but also our judgment.”
–Dalai Lama
The Dalai Lama takes compassion to the highest level of challenge – compassion for the perpetrator.
He has repeatedly told stories that show why the cruelest leaders and circumstances are the most important teachers of compassion because of the extent to which they challenge it. He frequently tells the story of a monk who spent 18 years in a Chinese gulag. The monk described facing many dangers and hardships, but the greatest in his view was losing his compassion towards his persecutors. He used every painful situation to expand his capacity for compassion, even for those causing him to suffer.
Like others who recommend and teach compassion he assures that it doesn’t mean accepting injustice. It means reaching a level of clarity whereby we can respond without amplifying the feedback loop of harm and anger. It takes us out of that downward spiral and opens us to other options.
“It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act… When something needs to be done in the world to rectify wrongs… one needs to be engaged, involved.”
–Dalai Lama
Cultivating compassion for perpetrators may be a gold standard many of us don’t aspire for. And we don’t have. Research shows significant improvements in life satisfaction from regular loving kindness and compassion meditation or mindfulness practices.
New Age teacher, Eckhart Tolle draws from diverse traditions and synthesizes some of these teachings using secular language and context. According to Tolle, anger is accumulated emotional pain that feeds on reactivity. Those who cause harm are acting from egoic fear and pain. Reacting to them with anger adds to our own egoic pain. Like others, he recommends staying present and noticing body sensations rather than reinforcing the mental narrative that justifies anger.
“Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don’t think about it – don’t let the feeling turn into thinking. Don’t judge or analyze. Don’t make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of “the one who observes,” the silent watcher. This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.” (The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, 1997)
–Eckhart Tolle
Consciousness and compassion connect
One expands the other. Through our own preferred practices, we can expand both consciousness and compassion. If our thinking and actions emerge from expansive and calm awareness, we are opening to solutions and global transformation without the downsides of anger and hate.
This does not take us out of the righteous struggles we may be engaged in. It makes it possible for us to stay involved with ways to rebalance and restore our inner peace and deepened awareness.
We are continuously changing the world
News coverage usually focuses on conflict, chaos, and destruction. But every now and then an action expressing higher consciousness goes viral and shows what’s trying to emerge. One recent example was the Walk for Peace across the US with daily compassion messages from Buddhist monks and their dog, Aloka. Another was The Barefoot Walk in Rome on March 26. Hundreds of Israeli and Palestinian mothers walked arm in arm showing the world their pain and hope. Watch Clarissa Ward’s coverage here. Global No Kings marches on March 28 were far more than political. They gave voice to millions who want a peaceful, cooperative, compassionate world.
Relieving anger and the fatigue it causes is not only good self-care, it’s strategically wise if we want to keep moving in the direction of global peace and harmony.
What do you think and feel?
All of the above is a sampling of a few perspectives on a very broad topic, with simplifications and gaps. What are your thoughts and feelings?